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We are talking today about the importance of making friends and
becoming the kind of friend you need.
If you dont have friends, check these things first.

If you are lonely, If you have no one to be there when you need a friend, If no one is reaching out to you, before you got on here and cuss people out, do a self check. Ask yourself how many times have other people needed you and you showed up NOT WHEN IT WAS CONVENIENT FOR YOU, BUT WHEN THEY NEEDED YOU? People don’t need you when it is convenient for you, they need you when THEY have a need. So instead of getting mad at other people for not showing up for you, do a self check.

Proverbs 18:24 says, A man who has friends must himself be friendly… NKJV  If you’re on FaceBook being mean and hateful, you are not going to attract people who want to be in your space. The prerequisite to having friends is how we show up. If you show up as rude; you aren’t going to attract people who are polite. If your mouth is filled with profanity and disrespect, you are not going to attract people who speak words of life and kindness. Yes, they may acknowledge you, but they will NOT be in your space. They already know that blessing and cursing cannot flow from the same well. The Law of Association says, “We will become like the people we spend our time with.” 

Become What you Need

The way we choose what we want is not by looking for it; IT IS BY BECOMING IT. When you decide to become what you need from others, you will draw that same thing out of others to you. We can only reproduce what we are. So if you need help, go help somebody who is worse off than you.

If you need encouragement, then go give somebody else a good word and pump them up. If you need a blessing, GO BE A BLESSING.

If you need a new car, take care of the old one and gives someone who is walking a ride. If you want better food than you have, feed someone with nothing to eat at all. Everything we do and everything we are is a seed. If you don’t like the harvest you are reaping, don’t curse the ground. Check the seed you sowing. You are the only one who can change your harvest by changing the seed YOU are putting out there.

Also, make sure that when people do reach out to you, respond. If people invite you to events and you never show up, eventually they will stop asking. If they try to show that they care and you keep rejecting them, sooner or later they will move on.


This is my last free tip. Authentic Relationships cannot be built on FaceBook, InstaGram, Snap Chat or through text messages. Real connections happen in the time and space we give people in face to face and voice to voice interactions. As a SPIRIT BEING that POSSESSES a SOUL and LIVES in a BODY, you were created for fellowship and human interaction. Your soul is wired for connection through your mind, will and emotions. I don’t care how many emoticons, smiley faces, hearts, etc. you CLICK ON; they can NEVER connect you with other people.

At some point you will have to look people in the eye, touch a hand, hug a body, laugh as a bad joke, cook some soup when they sick etc. etc. etc. You will have to learn to stop talking and start listening. You will need to sacrifice some of your own wishes for the benefit of a quality relationship. You will have to learn to say “I am sorry” and MEAN IT with the intention of being a better person for their sake and yours. You will have to learn to put your phone NOT DOWN –BUT AWAY sometimes in order to connect with another human being successfully.

If you and I (I’m talking to me too) are not willing to do the necessary work of BECOMING BETTER in order to connect BETTER, stop crying, whining and feeling sorry for yourself. None of that will change a thing until you decide to change. God is not moved by your self-pity, he is moved by your seed. That is how you show if you are really serious. That is how you get real friends.

At the end of this life, all you get to take with you are the loving relationships and the real friendships you built while you were here.

Alright that’s all…

Blessings y’all




Post Author: Stella Payton

Stella Payton is principal of Making People Priority Consulting Group. Over the past (25) years, she has worked with Apple Computer, Nordstrom, FedEx / Kinko's, VISTA, National Corporation for Service, P-B Health Home Care Agency Inc., The City of Los Angeles, Head Start, KCET Los Angeles Public Television, TurboTax, Child Fund, Memphis Public Schools and many others. For more about Stella Payton contact us at

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