“He who goes about [as] a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters
with his lips.“
Proverbs 20:19 (NKJV)
In the era that we are living in, it is more important than ever and to know who is on your side and who is for you. We all need friends and relationships who have our backs and will defend us in our absence. That old quote “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is an outright lie from hell. Sticks, stones, and words do hurt. They are powerful and painful weapons of destruction or healing and helpful tools of construction depending on how you use them. One of the smartest things you can do is separate yourself from people who damage your life and future with lies and gossip. You must break league with those the Bible calls “talebearers.” What is a talebearer? A talebearer is someone who spreads information about others. It is …
1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk, or writing. They gossip.
Today we call them gossipers, snoops, go-betweens, and any other number of descriptions. But at the end of the day, these are people who carry information about other people back and forth with the intention of bringing damage to the image of another. Why people do that never ceases to amaze me. You can only think there are low self-esteem issues, and people can only feel good about themselves when they are sharing information about others in the attempt to gain influence in a circle of people. A person can never grow in their influence by tearing down others.
The best thing you can do for your own reputation is to decide—permanently not to talk about other people behind their back. It is a life decision. It will grow your influence. It is a quality choice that will make you valuable in your relationships, in business, and in your connection with God. If God can trust you, people can too. He wants you to use sticks, stones, and words to build people up.
So where do you start in addressing this issue? Start with you. Look in the mirror and be truthful with yourself. Are you a talebearer? Are you a gossip? Are you saying things about other people to other people? When you have an issue with someone, do you go to that person and address it righteously and biblically? Or do you tell everybody but that person? What impact does that have on them? On you? You might think the people you are gossiping to are your friends, but they know you cannot be trusted. They may never tell you to your face. But they realize if you will gossip about others to them, you will also gossip about them TO others. Ask yourself, “Do the sticks, stones, and words of your mouth build people up or tear them down?”
Next address those who gossip to you. How do you manage these people? Cut them off at the path. As soon as they start to talk to you about somebody else, END the conversation! Say, “I have made the decision in my life not to talk about others behind their back.”
“I appreciate it if you would not share that information.”
“That’s not the kind of person, friend or neighbor/ etc. I want to be.”
If they persist, END the conversation and leave the vicinity. That’s the best way to handle the gossip. The Bible has some very clear things to say about people who talk about others. You can’t get any more clear than hearing the words “do not associate with.
Proverbs 11:13 (NKJV)
A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.
Proverbs 18:8 (NKJV)
The words of a talebearer [are] like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body.
Leviticus 19:16 (NKJV)
‘You shall not go about [as] a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I [am] the LORD.
Proverbs 20:19 (NKJV)
He who goes about [as] a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.
Proverbs 26:20 (NKJV)
Where [there is] no wood, the fire goes out; And where [there is] no talebearer, strife ceases.
Proverbs 26:22 (NKJV)
The words of a talebearer [are] like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body.
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