The Price of Rejection … Rejection is a painful proposition until you realize that often, it is the price we have to pay to get something better…
Well here we are in the month of February the month for lovers. I guess my heart goes out to all the people who are not in love. Those who have been rejected, heart-broken or cast aside in some other way.
I cant help but think of Joseph, down in that pit all alone. There he was in the Egyptians’ house a complete stranger and all alone. Then even in the Palace, he became a little boy all over again when he saw his brothers. He still longed for that which he had lost.
He just wanted to belong to somebody. We all do.
Sometimes or should I say usually…
Rejection is the price we have to pay for something better.
But what do you do when you are in the middle of a rejection cycle? It hurts terribly. I remember one of the most painful experiences I have ever survived emotionally was being asked to not return to a church I had helped support building. I had invested time and substantial money.
I never forget the day the pastor said to me, “don’t come back because you create friction.” When I asked what I did to create this friction, I was never given a definitive answer. What hurt most was this was someone I had loved and trusted. I wasnt sure how I was creating “friction” I just knew that God had something and somewhere better for me to be. It took a while to push past the loneliness and isolation, but I did. How did I do it? Here are a few of my own strategies.
1) The first thing I did was find a new tribe. I realized that when you are in a God ordained setting, you will be celebrated. I started looking for people who shared my same values. I got out of my familiar territory, moved beyond my regular circle of people and made new friends. Rejection will always demand a change in people.
Key Question: Who are you connecting with regularly (monthly or more) on a mastermind level that feeds you positive encouragement in ways that support you and challenge you to grow and become better?
2) I examined my inner image. How you see you is far more important than how others see you. Some of the things I though about myself were now unacceptable in the new setting. My self talk was influenced by emotionally unhealthy people. This had to change. So I got counseling to heal the damage that happened in the past relationships. Rejection will always require a changed in information.
Key Question: What information are you tapping in to on a consistent basis (weekly or more) that is inspiring you, coaching you, and helping you improve performance?
2) I relocated to a new city for a time. Sometimes it is the atmosphere that makes you sick and you have to boost your “environmental immune system.” Being in a different setting allowed me to connect with people who could accept me for who I was without my being associated with past failed relationships. Furthermore, there is such a thing as toxic emotional environments and in my case, I was normal, but the church environment was toxic. It was a unhealty place for an emotionally healthy me. Rejection will often require a change of location.
Key Question: When was the last time you had a change of scene? That includes short and long-term location changes.
Looking back, I realized that the issues in that church had nothing to do with who I was, but more importantly it was about who I was not. I would never fit in with of a group of people who worshipped the leaders more than they worshiped God. I was a worshiper of Jesus ONLY and as such, I just didn’t fit in.
Now, I know who I am. I recognize healthy and unhealthy spiritual relationships. And I am a part of relationships who celebrate my presence. They value my contribution. They honor the standard of living sermons — rather than just preaching them. And worshiping God is a community value that we all share. All of these healthy mindsets reinforce acceptance. That feeling of absolute acceptance was well worth the price of rejection.